I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
