Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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