apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
