I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
