how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my sisters under your porch take her home
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
