Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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