you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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