Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
