I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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