hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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