I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
