1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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