Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
