I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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