Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
