I'm eating all of the evidence.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
