He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
