I saw his package. It spoke to me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
