Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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