I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
