Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
