He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
