my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
