If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
