Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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