i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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