I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
