why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
