I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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