nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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