He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
