i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
