I need help removing her.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
