She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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