you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You were trust falling into bushes
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
