small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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