I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
