addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
