I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
