Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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