I think I am morally bankrupt
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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