Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
