ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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