it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
