Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
