thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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