Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
