I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
