I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
