She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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