The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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