You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
